Desire - Reposted from 9/14/08

*This is one of my dearest posts - I wanted to see it live again. Enjoy, pnp

Suddenly all the things I have known all my life flash before my eyes, and they mean nothing. The wants, all of the wants, disappear.  The car, phone, papers, clothes, money...the chatter and advice...all of it fades.  The needs pounding at the door do not seem to register anymore.  Food, water...I can feel the pangs no more.  Sweat dripping down my face, down my arms, down my legs, between my fingers and toes, my hair and behind my ears, running down my back; completely, absolutely drenched and, utterly lost. My breathe comes in heaves, blasting away the hope found in the before unthinkable reaches of my lungs and swallowing in all the pride I once had. So loud is this breathing...the confusion of the whys and the unimaginable meeting. The last bit of life in the now numb legs aching from run to a once perceived destiny.  The rug pulled out from under my feet by what I thought was a benevolent God...the unimaginable come true.  Everything you wanted in life, gone; all that remains, the sweet hope to have the only thing you now know you need. But it, too, tries its hardest to convince you it, like all other 'things', is just a false promise leading to another illusion. Wait for hours, hours, hours...no sleep, little food, water, can't sleep, can't eat, just a little water....there are no alternatives, nothing... but what you know you must do. You sleep with the homeless and eat with the birds, buy the ticket and get on the bus...dream of what might register in some time...but it's still unbelievable..this much bad luck, this much loss, sacrifice..emotions torn, spirit shaken, faith deeply rattled...it won't, it can't...keep going. just keep going....it must, please please please please say it must.. let it be mine.. You continue to chant the mantra again and again and again... be mine...     be mine...     be mine.... but all you can see is the darkest abyss as you inch closer to the cliff's edge.  please, be mine... be mine... be mine....legs tense, body numb, mind afloat in the sky... only one thing left to do, to take the leap in all its necessity, the time has finally come. The moment of truth announcing its arrival....

so you jump. 

...to the digusting, hopeless, and gut-wrenching moments we experience in life and the incredible sweetness that all of these moments together, hopefully, come to produce in the end. We find life only when we have come close to death and love only when we have experienced great loss.

Once devoid of hope, I have found my all. Thanks.

Myanmar: Will It Rise Or Fall? I look to find out.

It's going to be an amazing journey. Leaving August 5th from Chicago then to Los Angeles for a layover, Taipei for another and finally an arrival in Yangon, Myanmar late August 6th. Hell of a trek to get there, but worth it in every sense of the word. I will spend two weeks deep diving into Burmese culture and business and hope to come out more enlightened and positively surprised by the opportunities available for an ambitious young soul.

Imagine a world that was frozen in time, that was held back by backwards policies in government, education, commerce, foreign relations, culture that is now rapidly being assimilated with the rest of the world. It is the TRUE emergence of a people into the world economy and, as one can imagine, a sight I must see for myself.

A little background - Myanmar and particularly the military regime that is in power generally has had tremendous support from the Chinese and, because of this, never felt the need to move towards Western standards. This left the country in shambles and the Chinese in a position of incredible power over a lot of resources. Enter the West, the United States as the main actor. Bringing money and resources, the US welcomed the advances from the Burmese government and has effectively used incentives to move the country towards the rapid modernization that it has desperately needed for many decades.

This modernization has brought a floating currency (somewhat), the release of key political prisoners, and an influx of foreign investment, travelers, flights (naturally) and general economic growth. It now is a rarity to go a day without seeing news of progress originating from Myanmar. With this positive trendline in reform has come the lifting of sanctions by the US and EU (both economic and diplomatic) and a massive general interest from the world. Energy giants, amongst many other interested players, have rushed to the country due to its massive deposits of natural gas and other energy sources. Beyond energy, count gems, fertile land and tourism as the next biggest areas of growth. Indeed, one could say EVERYTHING is a growth industry because the country is so far behind in investment.

Name it: infrastructure, housing, basic services, material goods, durable goods (machinery, cars), etc etc. All of these are so far behind. With rapid growth, a population of 60m (estimated - will find out more in 2014 census), incredible tourist sites that are drawing record numbers and a very strategic location (between China and India, great access to sea lanes), most feel that Myanmar's growth is here to stay; that is, as long as the regime doesn't change its mind and fight its way back to power.

This is the central struggle: does a country that NEEDS to grow with investors and the world ready to hand it everything it needs to achieve that growth actually follow the path of goodness or does it regress as it has previously and burn everyone involved? No one really knows. Analysts place the risk of a return of the military junta at around 15%, but again, no one really knows. One can only look to the recent examples of Vietnam and Mongolia to better predict the likely outcomes.

This brings me to risk: yes, there is a lot of risk here, I don't know a lot about what is going on behind the scenes, nor do my partners, but we are heading there with a head full of steam, hands full of tangential research and a mind of getting deep into everything we possibly can over a one month period (this taking into account the overlapping of time between my partners and I). The trip will be a success no matter if we make an investment or not. All of us will walk away much better informed, experienced and more alive for it.

Updates will come rapidly as well as photos from the sights in Yangon, Naypyidaw and possibly Bagan. This is a business trip, but business is just another expression of life and curiosity. As they say, life is a journey, not a destination. Very very excited here about both the journey and the destination.

T-minus 21 days until departure on the trip of a lifetime.

San Sebastián, España - La Dulce Vida

It's quite a joy when your best friend gets married. It's quite a different level of joy when you best friend gets married in San Sebastián. Here are some photos below detailing the 4-days I spent living la dulce vida with my good friend and his friends and family.

P

Chicago, Asia and Africa - The Journey Continues

It's officially been 10 months since I moved to Chicago. Time has passed so quickly. My first year of business school is over. I made it to Finland, Estonia, London, San Fran, LA, NYC, Colombia and Spain, won the New Venture Challenge w/ Matchist (a big goal going into b-school), amassed a massive network here in Chicago, and am now an expert in all things Chicago (...somewhat!). I've adapted beyond the life of a Paulista (one kiss, not two), the prato rapido and the constant pressures of learning a new language. Chicago has now become second nature. The unusually long winter, followed by the spectacular summer - today was actually overcast. Beaches, great food, busy streets, biking, sailing, fay-bans, neon, loving life. I can't think of many other places to spend my summer than here in The Windy City. 

Yes, so things worked out. I passed on an offer in Brasil and another in NY to stay and work on a startup called BikeSpike (bikespike.com); this while also being able to pursuit an investment strategy with two great friends / Boothies in Myanmar beginning in August (bodhicapital.com). To top it off, I finally get to summit Kili in September and spend time in the African savanna and on its beaches. These are big moves. This is learning and life in action.

Yet with all of these plans sealed and ready for me, it is interesting to reflect and realize that there is a small part of me that doesn't want to leave the US. There is a part of me that is fearful of change. Why subject myself to the chaos of Yangon when I could just redirect my energies to a project here in the city or more so in the US? Likewise, why travel to the Middle East, Africa and Asia when I could just focus. Is this my weakness? A lack of focus? Or is it that it's my strength - a terrific ability to push forward on multiple fronts, sometimes prior to discovering what some of those fronts are? Questions.. Questions I'll eventually know answers to or maybe will not.

Regardless, this is the summer of taking risk, learning more than I've ever before and finding a home. It's the beginning of legacy building, the time when I get to live out what I had once only read in a book, what once lived only in my mind. The time has finally arrived where I do.

So to circle back, what do I do with this hint of fear / desire to stay the same? Should I give in and pause life to feel comfortable? I think not. In fact, I say screw it and still go to Asia because I want to. To Burma, as was my initial thought, it is 'opening up' ergo I am there. To Africa, I prep, train and dream as you only get a few times to truly challenge yourself. To business school, I make the most of the summer, internalize the lessons learned and make a genuine effort to deliver onto others, particularly, 1st years, the lessons I've learned over what will be 12 months of time in this very special phase of life; then, I continue to pound away at Myanmar and BikeSpike along with scoping out "full-time recruiting" to solidify my post-MBA life.

Change is always coming, so it's best to be ready and stay agile. Why not be ahead of the curve and be before it is. Train train train everyday to deal with change, stay open and life will lend you your piece of happiness.

Through this great fog around my life these days, I feel like I've found that happiness.

Yes, some quick thoughts that hit me on this warm night in Chicago.

Boa noite.

P

Here are some shots of the city that I've taken below:

Notables from Sampa

Well, as an update, there are some notable changes taking place here in São Paulo. I had dinner last night with my current flatmate, Renata, to mark the last night I will be staying at my current flat, and although unintentional, to celebrate my commencing work at a VC-backed internet startup.

It is definitely going to be a different experience spending 6 to 8 hours a day working in the office versus traveling around or enjoying a nice run during the middle of the day, but I'm excited by the opportunity to take apart various areas of strategy of the startup and put it back together in a stronger, more competitive form. I think the experience will be well worth it. I'm sure the color of my posts will change slightly and the weekends will be highlighted more; always seems to happen when working. Regardless, I am committed to making the most of each day, so we'll see how I can avoid that!

As it's been some time now since I landed here in Sampa, I've gained a particular appreciation for the unique features the city has to offer. The variety of restaurants and bars is close to unparalleled and provides a much needed break from the very work-oriented focus of the city. In this light, I've made it to quite a few nice venues recently. On Tuesday, I attended an Internations event at the British Embassy which was quite interesting. Wednesday, I made it to Bar São Bento in Vila Madalena to catch some of the Corinthians v. Boca match and share a drink with a good friend and her friends. Yesterday, it was the first day of work, so after a nice brisk run through the park, I spent most of the day working before having dinner with Renata at BarGallo in Itaim. Last weekend, Renata and I made it to Festa Junina which is a celebration of three particular saints within the Catholic tradition. Live music (primarily sertanejo), relatively cheap food and drink, and surrounded by good friends, the festa was a great view into the real fabric of Brasilian society. Seeing three generations enjoying themselves within the context of a greater social circle was really nice. I ate and drank my heart out and had a real blast!

***

Just said "Tchau" to my good flatmate, Renata, and her sometimes nice, sometimes louco dog, Elvis :). It's amazing how quickly we become attached to familiarity and people. We both are genuinely sad, but as is always the case, understand that it must happen. Goodbyes are a tough business, and when you are traveling, they seem to happen too much. It is the bittersweet aspect of traveling that really pulls at your emotions. You definitely get used to dealing with it, but never fully comfortable with the process. It was the first three weeks of this adventure (life is always an adventure) and definitely an experience that I will always look warmly upon. Great to know that I have connections here that I can tap no matter the circumstances.

And, as it always does, this day will continue with my moving and living with two guys just a bit further into Itaim; one from California and the other a true Paulistano (born in São Paulo). Should be fun and looking forward to it!

Will add pics to this post soon. p r e m

A Door Closes and Another Opens

Well, it's been almost three weeks now that I've lived in Sampa (local name for São Paulo) and as can be expected or not, it has been an evolving experience. When I initially flew down, I knew exactly what I came for, both professionally and personally. I had key relationships that I had built over my last trip - mostly friendships, others I considered to be more special. Professionally, I was ready to be working from day one. Unfortunately, or now fortunately, from one event to the next, the fabric of my existence within the city has changed greatly. It is funny how sometimes what seems so painful can be the best medicine one ever needed. Sometimes we lie to ourselves and tell ourselves that *this* is what we need - this particular person / object / position when in reality we know it is not the case. We delude ourselves with our own drug to make it seem perfect. It's interesting.

At one moment, I thought I should travel to Colombia and the Amazon to help ease off some of the pressure / confusion from these great changes. It can be rather traumatic to watch your desired goals and idols come crashing down; to build this temple in your mind and to watch your Gods stomp on the graces you laid upon them can seem insurmountable. We ask why and hold our breaths for the world to come to its senses. But, then again, now through the changes of a new day after days, weeks, I see the light of happiness - a new dawn and the real beauty of life - in the pitch of night after a clear, crisp night. This is to persistence and being thankful for what is given. How do I forget that I live an incredible life, that I am blessed with amazing friends and family, and that I have the real blessing of being. Each day that passes, I grow, I learn and I am one day wiser than the day before. Amazing.

As I finish up a nice long Monday here in Sampa in my apartment here in Itaim Bibi, I am genuinely happy. Good people, friendships and new opportunities = Very good feeling. From Festa Junina and Ultimate Frisbee to my productive Portuguese lessons, great roommate and new professional connections, things are beginning to get really good down in the real capital of Brasil. I bid adieu with a smile and a nod. Goodnight from Sampa.

#happinessissimplicity

Risk, Opportunity and (sometimes) Sozinho

Café No Sé (Meaning Cafe I Don't Know) - a fine establishment in Antigua, Guatemala and the perfect line for why you sometimes find yourself where you do. Although any decision comes from a line of thinking and probably research, it is also the result of a multiplicative of previous decisions whether they are your decisions or those of a woman teaching a class in Belgrade. This is the level of interconnected complexity that humans find themselves within each day and try to, as my father says, "Make the best decision possible" given the obvious reality that our actual ability to control outcomes and events is incredibly minute.

Given this background of thinking, I find myself staring out my 20th floor window looking on the sometimes beautiful, sometimes miserable city of São Paulo. Its first impressions have never done it justice in my eyes, though, as the real beauty of São Paulo is in its spirit, its people and their fruits showcased in world-class restaurants, diverse array of art, incredibly amicable bar scenes, an exceptionally go-go attitude for the productive mind and, also, their understanding of just how important their local economy is to the whole of Brasil. This is a city that sets the agenda for the country, economically-speaking. It is where decision makers reside and the future developments in the country take shape. I say this knowing quite well the enormous power the government in Brasilia exudes upon every Brasilian, but also knowing that the private sector and the people that constitute it are much stronger for surviving the infinitely backwards policies the government puts in place to force outcomes. Brasil has found a way to grow and its people have found their bearings, thus bringing about the "Brasilian Miracle 2.0". With high growth trumping that of other economies, Brasil's seemed to defy the global slowdown; now, unfortunately, a slowdown in commodity demand from China has brought that same reality to Brasil... But I digress.

Along with the absolute joy (beach, sun, fun) I attained earlier this year when I traveled through Brasil, it was the combination of conversations with those I trust and my innate feelings that exhumed me to make the mad-dash to deny a summer in Dallas within the financial sector and jump ship to the seemingly exotic and chosen Samba economy (If I may, I love samba - the way bodies move, out of control - one of the many reasons Brasil is more than a rational choice). Beyond multitudes of readings and research that one undertakes when making a large decision, I have realized that it is a combination of gut and heart derived from an array of poignant moments that constitutes the real basis of the final decision. Yes, I can explain to others my rational belief that the budding venture capital scene in São Paulo vis-à-vis that of the mature US market provides more of an opportunity considering the growing middle class and the rapid adoption of mobile technologies and is the primary reason for my coming, and, yes, I can explain how it will provide a solid fill for my resume/CV - But in reality, my reason came down to my visceral and innate pursuit of my version of happiness in relation to the mosaic of my life's experiences and fortuitous connections gained over time. It came down to a desire for love, adventure and education; to live a full life. There is no better an education gained than when putting yourself in the maze of another country and no better motivator than to stand agains the start reality that you must grow/change/adapt or face failure and losing the qualities you came for.

Stepping into the unknown, as I have done quite often in my life, has led me to grow beyond my given identity and create a space of my own that I have developed through a plethora of both wondrous and challenging moments in a variety of environments far away from what I started knowing. Of course, we all prefer the former experiences in life (I do, no doubt), but sometimes those letdowns are the change agent needed to reach your real potential. Sometimes being sozinho - alone - every now and then gives you the great perspective and wisdom that only a bird's eye view or the ancient gaze of a mountain can provide to this hive of activity we envelope ourselves within. It allows you to see past failures and realize they positioned you for the greater success - failures rid the old in anticipation of the new and prepare you to face these opportunities.

As I stare out at the sometimes bleak, sometimes deeply precious blue sky that hangs over São Paulo and contemplate my exact reasons for being here, I have found that, to be completely honest, there is not an entirely rational equation for it - in reality, it is a combination of my drive to experience a challenging life that provides the best opportunity to attain my desired lifestyle and my close conversations within my trusted circle of hearts and minds that has placed me on my current path. Add a genuine love for travel and culture, a curious mind for interesting nightlife and the challenge of living within another system of government and you have the key influencers of my stay in Sampa. Sometimes sozinho, other times within the center of it all, I have found a path in life that continues to rewards difficult decisions, a move out of the comforts of the known and a persistent belief in continuous, on-my-feet education. Yes, this is why I am here.

written in São Paulo, Brasil

Opa Sampa - Finally! (São Paulo, Brasil)

Oi! Tudo bem? Legal... Yes, I'm learning Portuguese. Not formally yet, but it's coming. I have a ways to go, but my ability to understand others is increasing the most each day.

Having departed from Dallas on June 7th, it's been roughly 13 days since I have landed and began my adventure here in São Paulo, Brasil. I should mention that prior to landing on the 8th, I spent a nice afternoon in Miami on the 7th enjoying the sun, great hospitality and good foods served by a Ukrainian host on the famous Ocean Drive - the area full of Art Deco buildings in Latin capital of the United States. Here are some photos from Miami...

Great experience actually as I had roughly 8 hours to kill before I took off on the overnight flight to Sampa - this allowed me to buy a pair of swim trunks at the W Hotel Miami (pictured above), change in the restroom, have the reception hold my things, cruise down the beach in the sun, tour Ocean Drive, have a nice meal and then head back with an extremely pleasant experience under my belt. I even had a complete stranger run me down to hand me the bus ticket I dropped! Such great personalities started my trip off right.

The flights from Dallas to Miami and Miami to SP were all smooth and led to memorable conversations on both legs. I would have to say that I wasn't impressed with the food on the flights, but that is typical! Ha.

Ok, so the past 13 days - I moved into an apartment that I found on Airbnb.com in an area of the city that is convenient to most day and nightlife. It is considered quite a posh location in the city and, for me, is ideal due to it's proximity to both key industry, clubs and the famous Ibirapuera park. If I were to count, and I will.. I have been to Ibirapuera roughly 9 times since I have been in the city. That tells you how much it figures into my life here in Sampa. I always have the most refreshing experience running amongst the dense greenery and with the many motivated weekend and professional athletes that make the park their training ground. In addition, I, as expected, have had a taste of the nightlife through many pubs and also a club - SheRocks. I am not a big fan of the name as it doesn't exactly give any hint of the real nature of the club, but really enjoyed my experience due to the excellent live band and great DJ that spun throughout the night. I should mention that this experience did lead me to my currently less than healthy state, but it was a night worth making!

Through my time, many events have taken the attention of the citizenry in the area - EuroCup 2012, Maratona São Paulo and, of course, Brasilian futbol. My understanding of the latter continues to grow with each day. For example, there is a match between Corinthians and Santos today. Corinthians is from São Paulo; it is one of three teams that make their home here. The other two being São Paulo FC and Palmeras. Santos is a team from the close to Sampa city of Santos. I am assuming they are in the same division, but am not sure. Still more to find out here as I would consider it a somewhat critical part of planning nightly activities (watch game at pub vs. dinner & club). Regardless, my allegiance can be bought at this point, so let's see how that goes~ ha.

My impressions so far: very much like New York in terms of the size and scale of activities at one's fingertips. Definitely, less of everything, but still quite plentiful. The art scene is not as vibrant, but much more than I anticipated. The restaurant and club scene is actually more impressive than I initially assumed. Also, given that you hopefully don't waste your life away in traffic sucking down exhaust fumes, you will really enjoy a nice quality of life as you walk to and fro work and home while striking up random conversations and sharing a brew are the local spot. It's as likable a city as it is dislikable, depending on the amount of time you spend in traffic.

My final observation I will make for the night is that prices are exceptionally inflated in Brasil and especially São Paulo. Whether it is groceries, gas, taxis, electronics, rent, restaurants, pubs or clubs, it's all quite painful, mainly due to regulations and the punitive tax regime currently in place which supports the graft and general disfunction of the national governmental bodies. I am still getting a handle on Brasilian politics (I think this will take a while!), but as I have read and seen, it is one of the prime culprits for the general "quality of life discount" for the average Brasilian.

In other news, I am working towards my first position in VC here in Brasil and had a great interview yesterday - let's hope it leads to something fruitful! I am excited to get this part of my life underway. Also, basically locked up a three-bedroom place in Chicago with two great guys - look forward to starting that in the near future as well. Great things on the horizon, great people in my life both here, at home and in my future activities. Merci, Obrigado, Tsekkur Ederim, Tak Tak to all of you :)