Desire - Reposted from 9/14/08

*This is one of my dearest posts - I wanted to see it live again. Enjoy, pnp

Suddenly all the things I have known all my life flash before my eyes, and they mean nothing. The wants, all of the wants, disappear.  The car, phone, papers, clothes, money...the chatter and advice...all of it fades.  The needs pounding at the door do not seem to register anymore.  Food, water...I can feel the pangs no more.  Sweat dripping down my face, down my arms, down my legs, between my fingers and toes, my hair and behind my ears, running down my back; completely, absolutely drenched and, utterly lost. My breathe comes in heaves, blasting away the hope found in the before unthinkable reaches of my lungs and swallowing in all the pride I once had. So loud is this breathing...the confusion of the whys and the unimaginable meeting. The last bit of life in the now numb legs aching from run to a once perceived destiny.  The rug pulled out from under my feet by what I thought was a benevolent God...the unimaginable come true.  Everything you wanted in life, gone; all that remains, the sweet hope to have the only thing you now know you need. But it, too, tries its hardest to convince you it, like all other 'things', is just a false promise leading to another illusion. Wait for hours, hours, hours...no sleep, little food, water, can't sleep, can't eat, just a little water....there are no alternatives, nothing... but what you know you must do. You sleep with the homeless and eat with the birds, buy the ticket and get on the bus...dream of what might register in some time...but it's still unbelievable..this much bad luck, this much loss, sacrifice..emotions torn, spirit shaken, faith deeply rattled...it won't, it can't...keep going. just keep going....it must, please please please please say it must.. let it be mine.. You continue to chant the mantra again and again and again... be mine...     be mine...     be mine.... but all you can see is the darkest abyss as you inch closer to the cliff's edge.  please, be mine... be mine... be mine....legs tense, body numb, mind afloat in the sky... only one thing left to do, to take the leap in all its necessity, the time has finally come. The moment of truth announcing its arrival....

so you jump. 

...to the digusting, hopeless, and gut-wrenching moments we experience in life and the incredible sweetness that all of these moments together, hopefully, come to produce in the end. We find life only when we have come close to death and love only when we have experienced great loss.

Once devoid of hope, I have found my all. Thanks.

Myanmar: Will It Rise Or Fall? I look to find out.

It's going to be an amazing journey. Leaving August 5th from Chicago then to Los Angeles for a layover, Taipei for another and finally an arrival in Yangon, Myanmar late August 6th. Hell of a trek to get there, but worth it in every sense of the word. I will spend two weeks deep diving into Burmese culture and business and hope to come out more enlightened and positively surprised by the opportunities available for an ambitious young soul.

Imagine a world that was frozen in time, that was held back by backwards policies in government, education, commerce, foreign relations, culture that is now rapidly being assimilated with the rest of the world. It is the TRUE emergence of a people into the world economy and, as one can imagine, a sight I must see for myself.

A little background - Myanmar and particularly the military regime that is in power generally has had tremendous support from the Chinese and, because of this, never felt the need to move towards Western standards. This left the country in shambles and the Chinese in a position of incredible power over a lot of resources. Enter the West, the United States as the main actor. Bringing money and resources, the US welcomed the advances from the Burmese government and has effectively used incentives to move the country towards the rapid modernization that it has desperately needed for many decades.

This modernization has brought a floating currency (somewhat), the release of key political prisoners, and an influx of foreign investment, travelers, flights (naturally) and general economic growth. It now is a rarity to go a day without seeing news of progress originating from Myanmar. With this positive trendline in reform has come the lifting of sanctions by the US and EU (both economic and diplomatic) and a massive general interest from the world. Energy giants, amongst many other interested players, have rushed to the country due to its massive deposits of natural gas and other energy sources. Beyond energy, count gems, fertile land and tourism as the next biggest areas of growth. Indeed, one could say EVERYTHING is a growth industry because the country is so far behind in investment.

Name it: infrastructure, housing, basic services, material goods, durable goods (machinery, cars), etc etc. All of these are so far behind. With rapid growth, a population of 60m (estimated - will find out more in 2014 census), incredible tourist sites that are drawing record numbers and a very strategic location (between China and India, great access to sea lanes), most feel that Myanmar's growth is here to stay; that is, as long as the regime doesn't change its mind and fight its way back to power.

This is the central struggle: does a country that NEEDS to grow with investors and the world ready to hand it everything it needs to achieve that growth actually follow the path of goodness or does it regress as it has previously and burn everyone involved? No one really knows. Analysts place the risk of a return of the military junta at around 15%, but again, no one really knows. One can only look to the recent examples of Vietnam and Mongolia to better predict the likely outcomes.

This brings me to risk: yes, there is a lot of risk here, I don't know a lot about what is going on behind the scenes, nor do my partners, but we are heading there with a head full of steam, hands full of tangential research and a mind of getting deep into everything we possibly can over a one month period (this taking into account the overlapping of time between my partners and I). The trip will be a success no matter if we make an investment or not. All of us will walk away much better informed, experienced and more alive for it.

Updates will come rapidly as well as photos from the sights in Yangon, Naypyidaw and possibly Bagan. This is a business trip, but business is just another expression of life and curiosity. As they say, life is a journey, not a destination. Very very excited here about both the journey and the destination.

T-minus 21 days until departure on the trip of a lifetime.

San Sebastián, España - La Dulce Vida

It's quite a joy when your best friend gets married. It's quite a different level of joy when you best friend gets married in San Sebastián. Here are some photos below detailing the 4-days I spent living la dulce vida with my good friend and his friends and family.

P

Chicago, Asia and Africa - The Journey Continues

It's officially been 10 months since I moved to Chicago. Time has passed so quickly. My first year of business school is over. I made it to Finland, Estonia, London, San Fran, LA, NYC, Colombia and Spain, won the New Venture Challenge w/ Matchist (a big goal going into b-school), amassed a massive network here in Chicago, and am now an expert in all things Chicago (...somewhat!). I've adapted beyond the life of a Paulista (one kiss, not two), the prato rapido and the constant pressures of learning a new language. Chicago has now become second nature. The unusually long winter, followed by the spectacular summer - today was actually overcast. Beaches, great food, busy streets, biking, sailing, fay-bans, neon, loving life. I can't think of many other places to spend my summer than here in The Windy City. 

Yes, so things worked out. I passed on an offer in Brasil and another in NY to stay and work on a startup called BikeSpike (bikespike.com); this while also being able to pursuit an investment strategy with two great friends / Boothies in Myanmar beginning in August (bodhicapital.com). To top it off, I finally get to summit Kili in September and spend time in the African savanna and on its beaches. These are big moves. This is learning and life in action.

Yet with all of these plans sealed and ready for me, it is interesting to reflect and realize that there is a small part of me that doesn't want to leave the US. There is a part of me that is fearful of change. Why subject myself to the chaos of Yangon when I could just redirect my energies to a project here in the city or more so in the US? Likewise, why travel to the Middle East, Africa and Asia when I could just focus. Is this my weakness? A lack of focus? Or is it that it's my strength - a terrific ability to push forward on multiple fronts, sometimes prior to discovering what some of those fronts are? Questions.. Questions I'll eventually know answers to or maybe will not.

Regardless, this is the summer of taking risk, learning more than I've ever before and finding a home. It's the beginning of legacy building, the time when I get to live out what I had once only read in a book, what once lived only in my mind. The time has finally arrived where I do.

So to circle back, what do I do with this hint of fear / desire to stay the same? Should I give in and pause life to feel comfortable? I think not. In fact, I say screw it and still go to Asia because I want to. To Burma, as was my initial thought, it is 'opening up' ergo I am there. To Africa, I prep, train and dream as you only get a few times to truly challenge yourself. To business school, I make the most of the summer, internalize the lessons learned and make a genuine effort to deliver onto others, particularly, 1st years, the lessons I've learned over what will be 12 months of time in this very special phase of life; then, I continue to pound away at Myanmar and BikeSpike along with scoping out "full-time recruiting" to solidify my post-MBA life.

Change is always coming, so it's best to be ready and stay agile. Why not be ahead of the curve and be before it is. Train train train everyday to deal with change, stay open and life will lend you your piece of happiness.

Through this great fog around my life these days, I feel like I've found that happiness.

Yes, some quick thoughts that hit me on this warm night in Chicago.

Boa noite.

P

Here are some shots of the city that I've taken below: